Fudge It (Part 2)

My Office is a very strange place. Apart for my earlier nemesis, there are a few more who are worth a mention. These are the people I work with. The reason I say this is they try to make things complicated when those things are pretty straightforward. I would not say that I am pure and without mistakes. I have made a few mistakes of my own but they were original. Same goes for some other people around me. But then there are a few people who actually commit the mistake they have committed earlier and now they have no clue about the happenings. They always tend to show a blank face when we ask them "What the hell did you do?". The only way to figure out the mistake/problem is to ask people around them what the person, who has committed the mistake, was doing. After recovering from the shock they also fill in with the details. It would all be in patches. One bloke says something like, "He went out for lunch and then when he came back .... ". Such information is of no use in solving the mystery. I call in everybody who I think might have an idea about this strange problem at hand. After arranging all the bits and pieces of information the whole discussion comes to the point of finally solving the problem. This takes the whole day. One by one, my comrades abandon me and rightly so. Finally by the end of the day those loyal to me stick around and we find out the problem. It is amazing how most of the problems always are solved at the end of the day.

I should not be so harsh in saying such things about those people, as we were the same. The only part which is our saving grace and also the worst thing, we learnt from these mistakes and committed fresh mistakes which had no connection with the first one.

Once I made a mistake of actually making a change (This change was something I never truly understood until now. It took me ages to figure out how to actually solve it.) The change was tested by yours truly and approved after a lot of interrogation.

Boss: "Is the change working"

Me: "Yes Sir. Definitely working."

Boss: "You sure?"

Me: "Yes sir. Definitely working."

So much confidence is not very good. I realized that only later when the change did not work and caused many other problems for which my colleagues still have not forgiven me. But then, mind you, this has not happened too many times. But I did learn from this. What did I learn? I learnt to follow the below steps.

1. Make a change.

2. Keep it secret.

3. Keep it extremely safe.

4. Wait for the right moment. Look around you if any body is watching.

5. Obviously it is a long process. So, in the meantime try figuring out what could go wrong if it did go online.

6. Make it online.

I think the people who are working on such problems now, are not doing the step 5 properly. I believe they go into hibernation after the step 3 and the day they wake up the jump to step 6.

The above situation was only when we were under the probation and had to show that we were jackasses who would work whatever the situation may be. Now after so many years (2 years), I have gained information and also the knowledge which I can proudly pass on. Now such problems do not happen.

It is only during the start that a human being realizes the deep shit he/she is in. Is it hereditary? Is it something that can be cured? Well I do not know. But I surely can say this. Hope is what made Yoda think that Luke Skywalker shall end the war and bring peace to the Galaxy. A very strange ending but what the hell, Fudge It.

Fudge It (Part 1)

My office is a very strange place to work. I would categorize them in three different classes

1. There are people who help you without hesitation.

2. There are also others who screw you properly if they help you.

3. Obviously there have to people who really screw you and also provide no help.

I, sadly, work in an environment which has many people who screw you and provide no help, few people who screw and help and exactly one person who helps without hesitation(though I keep that person only for special questions because I would not want him/her to migrate to any other category). So my experiences here have been very weird and also utterly unsatisfactory. But then my voice is just a tinkle on a football field.

One experience I had with a person who lies in the 3 category will explain my hatred towards them. There was a major problem and I was just a spectator to the whole conversation. We had to report the issues which assigned to us and for that the "supervisor" called us for a meeting with these hot shots as they call themselves in their dreams. I along with my comrades prepare ourselves for the onslaught(onslaught, because we had not worked on the issues assigned to us, but only managed excuses to get out of a mess, if any). A final practice before we face them. Ok. We are ready.

Scene: In the cabin of our nemesis 1

"What is the status of the work that I had assigned to you last week?"

Me : "Sir I have already given the status over mail 2 days ago. And also talked to you over the phone regarding the pending issue which is not a complication. "

"Why do you send me a mail? Why can you not give me the status by talking to me."

Me : "Sir, I talked to you on the phone."

"Did you?"

Me : "Yes sir. I had called you 2 days back and also sent a mail."

Slowly he checks his mail not believing a word I said. Also the trust factor comes in. These people, whom I call my NEMESIS 1, does not believe a word we ever say as they believe whatever we say can not be true. Even if we go one day and tell them that the system is crashed they would not believe it. Only after making us sit there for three quarters of an hour does he realize the gravity of the situation at hand. Finally after the long endearing process of searching the mail he acknowledges me and says, "Yes, Yes." . Even though my work is done I had to sit through the whole process of him interrogating every other person in that room who did not work directly under him.

Another frustrating part of this office is that they seem to love toilet talk. Well at least most of them do. If you want to use the washroom you should be a hundred percent sure that none of my arch nemesis is around and also anticipate that they might not use the loo. It is a game actually.

Scene: They catch you in the toilet

You are standing there doing your business in the toilet. Door opens, in comes Nemesis 2. He seems to be delighted to have found me in the toilet. But does not show it yet. I am unaware as to who has entered into the bathroom and continue doing what I was doing. Suddenly there is a voice which calls my name. I cannot turn, because of obvious reasons.

Me : "Hello Sir."

" What happened to the pending issue that someone had reported to me regarding the changes for the .... (blah blah)?"

Me : (Most definitely blank)"I am sorry sir? I do not know what you are talking about."

"Arre.. Woh nahi tha kya?...... (blah blah again)"

Me : "I am working on that sir." (but he does not realize that the issue I was working on right at that moment had stopped functioning.)

Me : (thinking) "damn will have to get back later."

As soon as I come out wash my hands and prepare to take leave. He occupies his position as goes about his business without any hassles and turns and says, "OK we will discuss this later. (DAMN HIM DAMN HIM)". A humble "yes" and I am out of there.

Sometime instead of discussing work he tends to discuss different topics other than work and if he is in a jovial mood then he would talk about anything. I can not think about any other thing but he enjoys small talk while carrying forth his business.

There is also my nemesis 1. He does not enjoy small talk in the toilet. But if he sees you in the toilet he would silently go about his business clean his hands dry them up and walk out of the toilet. Walk till his cabin. Settle down comfortably. Think about something or clean up his desk. Count till 5. And then pick up the phone ands calls for you to give the status of the problems which might be pending against you.