The Fight Against Conscious

I was standing there drinking my tea. The area normally is full of energy. Full of life. There are noise of people laughing, people shouting. People who have something to talk about everything. People who have lots to say. Even more to crib about. But today there was nothing. Absolute silence. I wondered for a second if I am able to listen to something, even a word. It would liven my senses and make me believe that I have not lost one of my senses. The feeling was in itself very depressing. It felt as though something had passed by and ruined my ability to listen or concentrate on the slightest sound that should have been but was'nt. It was scary. My mind made me believe there was no sound. But in actual there should have been. It cant be that there is no sound. The sound of horn, the kettle overflowing with tea crying out loud.
It was just something that should have been there but never existed. The whole scene was horrific. Gently sipping my tea I realised that my mind, my thinking, my soul was playing tricks on me. It was trying to potray an illusion for my senses to figure. It was making me give up on my senses. It was making me to overcome my sanity and shout. I asked it to stop doing such things. I am sane. I am not troubled.
I have had such experiences before. But always it feels as though it was the first time that had happened. The feeling normally comes when I give up or am low on faith. To either prove that I am wrong or it was something else. I dont know. It just wipes my control. Strips me off. Make me feel naked. And everytime I realise just in time and recover. Recover to fall a prey again to my minds traumatic illusions. I wonder if this happens to everybody. But asking somebody about it is also very embarrasing. Is it true that one can lose control. Thinking about this does not help nor does it come up with a solution. What should be done. Cant be just said. Has to be implemented. But HOW?
I am still trying to drive that illusion away by listening to songs and every word which is of no purpose. Just to prove that i can listen. I can hear to what you are saying to me. I am not deaf any more. I shall fight you. I shall succeed. Come ON. I should not give in. I will make myself believe in me. I shall survive. COME ON.