Oh the sacrifice. Oh the vacations. Oh the resting under the tree after playing in the hot sun. I am not that old to keep ranting about these petty things. I am still very young when compared to the aged and the wise men that survive in this country. But still it really angers me, damages my equilibrium when I see kids these days just playing all day long without any worries, attending summer camps, watching movies, and doing whatever they wish to do.
“It is their age. You also did the same things when you were young”
My father does say the correct thing but why can’t we have these summer vacations even while we work. Every morning I wish I did not have to wake. Every morning I want my mother call out to me and hand me my breakfast. I sit in front of the TV watching cartoons and no one in this world can stop me from doing so. No one asks me to study. No one tells me to sleep early. I love that life. Actually everybody loved that life. Except the over ambitious who want to achieve anything they can while they can. But I am not over ambitious. Heck, I am not even ambitious. I have no idea what I want to do. I always feel that every person is supposed to do something. It is left to the person to make it come true. But all I ever feel of is a long vacation. I think I am not made for the rat race. I am one of those lazy people who would lie there and wonder about the next best thing that can happen. I do not know when I became so lazy. I do not mind reading.
“Work is essential for your existence. How else will you earn and provide for you and your family?”
Pesky friends who try to make sense with every sentence they frame. Though, they are right. How else will I support my laziness? I will have to eventually end up working to support what ever I want to do whenever I realize what I want to do is. But then everybody is working. Everybody thinks about getting a good job with a lot of money. I would not mind getting a lot of money if someone just gave it to me. The icing on the cake would be if they gave me a job. The only point of a job is a steady salary. Other than that I do not see any sort of mental satisfaction that any person can achieve of it. If he does think that he is satisfied working every day, then I would say he is “mental” (quoting the word of my very good friend Arora). Though there must be a small percentage of this very vast population who are satisfied with their jobs. To them I say all the best. The word mental is just out of frustration.
“You should not be so lethargic. You say those people who are satisfied with their jobs to be mental. But the truth is you are mental because you do not enjoy what you do.”
Damn, these philosophical speech. I am very bad at listening to such language. I don’t know why, but I end up yawning at the use of every word which under any other circumstances would keep me interested. I do not think it is the words that are used it is the tone. It seems to be like a very slow melodramatic scene which is unfolding and I am bound by my hands to sit there and listen to this, because if I get up and start running, then people tend to get hurt. Most of the words feel like a blur. How I listen to the whole speech can be better explained by the understanding of the Doppler Effect. Some words are nice and loud. The rest are silent and distant. The saddest part is I have no control over the words I hear. If I did have control I could at least listen to the important ones and the long and endearing speech that the other person is giving is not lost in the wilderness of other beautiful things that occupy a normal individual’s mind.
“Doppler Effect is the change in frequency of a wave for an observer moving relative to the source of the wave.”
What Doppler said was true. Everything changes with relation to the position you are in. Where you lie is what you see with respect to where everybody else is at that precise moment. But what you fail to see is the effort every body has put in. The mere mention of effort makes me want to go to sleep. This is not because of what I am or what I wish to do. It is because the word, for me, would mean to do some action on my part which clashes with my laziness. I hate anything which tries to move me out of my comfort levels. The word effort itself sounds so tiresome and makes you feel that it would be equivalent to climbing a mountain. Though the journey would not end at the peak but also you need to come down. So the journey does not end at the top, it continues until you reach to the very depths of life.
“You should not aim for the mediocre. You should aim big. You should feel that what ever you want to fight for is yours for the taking and with that attitude you will definitely grow as a human being.”
What if I don’t want to dream big? I would not want something exotic. I would like lots of money but without effort. That is a very fancy dream that one can have and everybody knows that it is not the truth so I concur with their opinion. Aiming big is essential for most of the people who have dreams or have a vision. This vision or aim that people talk about is very confusing for a person like me. I cannot, absolutely, think about something I would want to do with my life. You may call me stupid, mental (again the words of my dear friend Arora), or even foolish. But still thinking about such things makes me feel very uneasy and never gave me the satisfaction when I really tried to venture down the lanes of one of my many ‘aims’. Instead it did lead me to think at the end whether this is really what I wished to end up with. At the end I would try my best to convince myself that it is right. But at the very end it feels like there is a very simple part of life that I am leaving out if I go with the ‘aim’. This simple life is very tricky. One moment I am sure that the life I chose I not the one is want to lead, but the very next the simple life illusion fades away. It is as if trying to seek me. It feels as if it is drawing me towards it existence so that I can see with my own eyes the beauty that, probably, only my eyes can appreciate.
“You cannot chase a haze. You need a vision which is clear so that you can move with a calculated approach that can assure you of everything you desire.”
Yes, that is so true. I would love to have clear vision. I would love to chase a clear picture. The rosy picture of desire really does please the heart. When you think about it, it does not sound difficult. It feels like within arms distance. All you need to do is reach out. You might even feel the slightest touch of the beautiful life but the path is hidden. This is the absolute frustration. Though laziness is very much the part of me I would not be a person who would refrain from doing something I would want to do with my whole body involved into the process. It is very strange the way I tell things. I myself find it very interesting but confusing most of the times. To this I have never had an answer and the possibility of this getting solved in the immediate near future does not look like a very positive answer.
“What is the point in staying confused? You must have something that really attracts you. It could be anything. Tell me. I shall help you.”
Counseling is not very wise. I think they pretend to be wise by asking the question which you ask yourself everyday. By asking such questions, the listener gets excited and answers what he really feels like. I think the reason behind this is because the listener thinks he is answering to himself as the questions are very similar to almost every other conversation he has with himself. I would, I think give a very strange answer to all this. A word, or a sentence, which suits the occasion would be nice. I am more likely to say “May the force be with you” than something legitimate and with relation to the current topic in question.
Well strange as I may be, I do not wish you would understand. This is not for you to understand me but a way to make me understand myself which I think is a near impossibility.
“A complicated mind is not that complicated. It is the abundance of ideas that makes it complicated. The only way of making things simpler is by selecting the right idea which also is the most difficult part.”
